i promise you nothing

I'm not dead yet

2007-12-27T17:33:00.000-05:00

Not to sound too Monty Python, but really I'm not dead yet. I've just been busy and not so much for the blogs lately.
So why no blog? Well 1.) I never really have anything to say. I'm just babbling in hopes that you, my online friends, will somehow validate my babbling. 2.) I worked really hard this semester and just didn't have much time for the babbling. 3.) I moved to a shiny new apartment, and basically worked through the entire process in a week. If you've ever moved in Manhattan you understand how icky stressful that is. 4.) My new apartment has no internet yet and 5.) I've been in Texas for the last week recovering from 2-4.
I haven't even looked at the blog world for about a month, and I've realized how much I miss you, my online friends. You also happen to be real life friends so that is super neat. Thanks for your comments I've just read, and I hope you all had merry whateveryoucelebrate's.
Things are good. I have a supercute haircut, my new apartment is wonderful (mainly because it is inhabited only by me and my cat), my personal life is pretty good, school sucks less than it has in ages, and it's my birthday today! Granted I'm spending it with my parents in my rinky dinky home town, but they are the ones responsible for the birthday to begin with. Besides they are happy to ply me with food and booze.
So there you have it. That's about it for me. It's good to see you again, and I'll try to have lots of uninteresting things to post in the near future.

Tell me I'm good

2007-11-13T14:07:00.001-05:00

I just declined a fantastic gift of a 30% discount at Banana Republic from a student on the grounds that taking it would be unethical.

Please comfort me....

I feel like I am in a time machine

2007-10-09T17:26:00.000-04:00

Wow the Warner Brothers company sure knows how to suck it. Warner Brothers' president, f Jeff Robinov, has issued a statement that they are only casting men in lead movie roles from now on because some of the latest movie releases (which happened to have female leads) were shiteous. It makes a lot of sense huh? What backward thinking. What decade is this again?

At least none of the movies from Warner Brothers look like they are any good. I think it will be easier to boycott their movies. Unfortunately I use Time-Warner for internet and cable. Blast.

Ladies and gentlemen

2007-10-09T14:42:00.000-04:00

We have a cat blog. Silk Stocking brought a cute little bundle of kitten-y fluff into the apartment, and now we must blog about it.

My arch nemesis....

2007-09-20T16:49:00.000-04:00

The stupid sale sign in front of stupid Banana Republic.

I'm innocently walking home from the subway after teaching, and there it is. The pretty, shiny, "Sale of the Season" sign. I should know better, but sometimes the bug gets a hold of me. I must try things on. If the shirt is marked off to $30 from $60, I'd be a moron not to buy it! I have that exact same sweater in green, but I can get it in purple too! You know, stupid shopaholic logic like that.

At least I only tried on clothing that was on sale... I almost made it out without a purchase and then one of the tops fit too perfectly. Curses. I need some self control. I need help. I need matching shoes and jewelry!

If only food and booze didn't also cost money.

Look mom!

2007-09-05T17:55:00.000-04:00

So the past few weeks have been craptacular due to a Very Big Deadline I have this weekend, superhuman expectations from faculty for the semester, and my ever growing crankiness with most people.

But for some reason I'm feelin' strangely fine.

Possibly because I successfully ran my very first PCR today! Yaaay! I even put a picture on the refridgerator. Gee I bet mom would be so proud!

I also got to witness Claudius' reaction to a pigeon on the window sill. The whole thing was hilarious and freakin' adorable. Claudius kept trying to attack the pigeon, but the pigeon was just like, "Hey wassup?". Then the pigeon started pecking at the cat's flicking tail through the window.

Friday cat blogging

2007-08-31T09:06:00.000-04:00

I love this sprawled back leggage with the "I hates Friday mornings" yawn. Right there with ya buddy. No less than two cups of coffee will get me going today.

It just became crystal clear

2007-08-30T17:37:00.000-04:00

Academics are f%&!ing insane.

Food is truly my limiting resource

2007-08-21T17:26:00.001-04:00

This summer has been hampered by work (that in all fairness should have been done beforehand) and deadlines are quickly approaching as September draws nearer. I've been locked away in various places reading various books and writing various papers. Unfortunately, some books are restricted in where I can use them, which poses a serious problem to my work schedule.

I am currently using a museum book which can only be read in the museum. I am currently without proper identification and ability to move throughout the museum (specifically to the vending machines) and am running on very low blood sugar. My concentration is waning and my stomach is starting to speak up for itself, which means I'll have to go home sooner than planned or sit here and be competely unproductive in a depressing yellow room with florecent lighting. Bah! I'm starting to get tired of my fat ass's obsession and need for food. Ok I take that back.....

In other random thought processes, Perez Hilton is really good at the separated at birth game.

Friday Cat Blog

2007-08-17T14:56:00.000-04:00

Claudius in one of his many sleeping poses. It almost looks like he's dreaming about that Fillipino Thriller video.

The Pick-Up Artist 360?

2007-08-11T11:48:00.000-04:00

I'm done with my summer teaching gig (yay!) and can now devote the remainder of my summer to finishing up papers/projects, figuring out a ballpark dissertation topic, and of course watching terrible mindless television.

I've decided that Rock of Love is enjoyable with a few beers in me and someone to be snarky with. I tried watching it last week alone and sober and was not impressed. Rodeo was just embarassing to watch, Lacey will never be anywhere near as fun bitchy as New York was, the sober chick has no idea what dating a rocker really entails, and Jess's two tone bleach/pink thing just flat out annoys me. That being said, I will probably watch it again this week.

I also tuned in to the new Real World flimed in Sydney on Wednesday and was shocked they actually threw a real human being (Parisa) in with the typical subhuman garbage they normally put on the show. Of course the majority of the girls hate her for being a decent human being and not having a trashy two-tone dye job. I smell drama in the air (sing-song voice).

The Pick-Up Artist may have the most potential until I Love New York 2 hits the airwaves. 1.) It is filmed in Austin, Tx (Yaaaay) 2.) You have to love those nerds and 3.) The so-called masters of up-picking are completely douche-y.

Mostly I just want to know why Anderson Cooper did that shit to his hair.

My ovaries hurt just thinking about it

2007-08-06T12:35:00.000-04:00

In all seriousness the Dugger family grosses me out.

It's not that they have recently had a 17th child, it's all the children's names begin with J.

Creepy!

Subway rage

2007-07-31T17:54:00.000-04:00

To all the dudes riding the subway: During peak hours I try to make myself as small as possible so as to not crowd the people surrounding me on the bench. Just because you have testicles doesn't mean you shouldn't do the same. You don't have that much junk, so please bring your legs together a little bit.

I also think certain rules of etiquette should be enforced when getting on and off the subway. Main rule - DON'T GET ON UNTIL PEOPLE HAVE GOTTEN OFF. I've been making a point of smacking the people trying to run onto the train with my bag as I'm struggling to get out.

Now I need a cocktail. Possibly something with mint

STD of Love

2007-07-29T22:15:00.001-04:00

Alright, so I've been an avid fan of the Flavor of Love empire since January (I'm a late bloomer but I catch up quickly). But as much as I love trashy television, I wasn't able to bring myself to want to watch the new installment of Chris Abrego's tack - Rock of Love. I've got t say that after a few beers, and a scene in which one of the Rock of Love chicks raises her arms to show a clump of deoderant caking her armpit, I had to stay glued to the train wreck which is Bret Michaels' new "reality" show.

Now I never thought I would say it...but I feel like Flav has outclassed Micheals. The dude wore an effing clock around his neck, but Michaels actually called the women on his show "intelligent". Really, my sides are still hurting. There is something fundamentally different about this show and all the Flav shows and spin-offs. As Boyfriend and I agreed, there seems to be a strict policy of "leave your self respect at the door". Maybe this just hits too close to home when I think back on my college days when I was dating a musician. In fact I think I am learning about some serious flaws on my part in that past relationship. In order to have made it work with the drummer I would have needed fake tits, bleach blonde hair, and a foot-long list of STDs.

Suffice to say I'm glad things have turned out the way they have with me.

So, BH, are you keeping up with the show?

If only I didn't have work to do...

2007-07-24T14:34:00.001-04:00

I want it.

Now.

But I am in the Bronx. Trying to work.

Perhaps tonight I will try and make a Lemongrass Champagne Mojito. Recipe courtesy of the Gilded Fork. Oh minty deliciousness.

I had grand aspirations to start growing my own herbs (mint, basil, etc) this summer. I bought a mint plant near the end of June and had hoped it would turn into a renewable source for all my cocktail garnishing needs. Even with vigilant watering and pruning, however, the plant died. Last week I had to remove the crunchy brown carcass as it was depressing me. Isn't mint supposed to be easy to grow? It's practically a weed!

I've never been good with plants. About the only plant I've been able to take care of has been the pothos ivy in our living room which is about as high maintenance as a dead cat. Ok maybe they require a little more care than that. I tried the neglect route with my first ivy plant which went horribly and have put more effort into the plants in the living room. But now every time I pass a New York City window with flowers and mini-gardens a certain sense of bittnerness swells up inside me. What exactly is wrong with me? I'm a reasonably caring person. I can take care of a few fish and a cat. Hey I take great care of my mammal!

Maybe it has something to do with my subpar arts and crafts skills too...

Oh well. I'll just keep buying my damn mint from the grocery store.

The weather fits the mood...

2007-07-23T17:10:00.000-04:00

The rain is really coming down, everything is grey, and I am essentially the only person on the floor here at College in the Bronx. It's lonely and I feel kind of a sense of loss.

Yeah ... I read the last Harry Potter yesterday.

I'm not going to spoil anything. I had to stay away from the internet all weekend just in case. But I've been doing that anyway. My copy didn't come in until Saturday evening and I had a friend in town as well as dinner plans, so I felt bad about slinking away in to my room with a bottle of wine and the book as planned. Sunday then was spent curled in my bed, emerging only for food when necessary, with the final book. It was a great read, a wonderful adventure, and a nice ending by my standards. But I'll admit I'm sad that another story like this will be hard to come by, and I'll never again wait in anticipation for the next installment of the series.

Siiiiigh.

Wikipedia is such pinko commie liberal garbage

2007-07-17T13:49:00.000-04:00

Or at least that is what people on the far right think? I learned the most amazing thing last night while watching the Daily Show - conservatives hate Wikipedia. Lewis Black went off on all the various responses conservatives have to the ever increasing liberal media, and mentioned Conservapedia, whose tagline happens to be "The conservative encyclopedia you can trust. The truth shall set you free".

Zuh?

Ok I get the whole Fox News thing. Fine. You don't like hearing great things about democrats in the news and would prefer a fair and balanced look up your own asses. Whatever. TV can be a bit liberal with all those educated working women who have sex portrayed in a light that isn't bad. But Wikipedia? Everyone can submit to Wikipedia. I never saw a disclaimer on the website that says insane douchebags can't post to the entries. Apparently all the entries in Wiki are too left-wing though, and conservatives need to fight back against misinformation.

Take for instance their entry on evolution. Oh I'm sorry, the theory of evolution. Let's not leave that out. I love the first paragraph...

The theory of evolution is a naturalistic theory of the history of life on earth (This refers to the theory of evolution which employs methodological naturalism and is commonly taught in public schools and universities). The concept of materialistic evolution differs from the concept of Theistic Evolution in positing that God does not guide the theorized process of macroevolution. There have been various cases of fradulent material that have been used to promote the theory of evolution. A majority of the most prominent and vocal defenders of the naturalistic evolutionary position since World War II have been atheists.

Emphasis on certain words my own. It's cute how they automatically devalue all valid evidence for evolution by linking to an article on the Piltdown Man, Ernst Haeckel's embryological illustrations, and two instances of faked fossils I have never heard about.

Conservapedia also devalues the definition of evolution scientists have adopted after the modern synthesis stating that this is just a "dilution" of the true original meaning.

I can't read through the whole thing without throwing up in my mouth a little bit, but my favorite bit so far is under the section titled "Social Effects of the Theory of Evolution" that blame "evolutionists" for the Nazis, communism, racism, and loose women. All are equally horrific.

I've glanced at abortion, feminism, and gay too. They are all pretty revolting.

* Ok so the site has been out for about a year...how did I never hear about it? *

Monday Monday

2007-07-16T14:39:00.000-04:00

The internet connection in the apartment has been patchy at best, so I've had very internet time at home over the past week. It might be a wiring problem, but Time Warner has not been nice enough to help me yet. Until then I'll be doing most of my messing around on the internet while in the Bronx where I should be doing work.

Speaking of the Bronx ... now you are going to call me crazy, but I kind of really like teaching the 5 week summer session. I feel like I have a real schedule for once and the students are all pretty good. Not only do they flatter me with outright lies, but they are genuinely interested and well behaved. My opinion on this crop of students might also be biased by an incident last week. One of the students brought her elementary school-aged niece to the class a few times, and at the end of the week the girl gave me a classically refridgerator art style drawing that said "Thank you for helping and teaching my aunt". How adorable is that? If only all of my students brought in sweet, well behaved relatives who gave me stuff. It would truly be a magnificent world. If my students pass the exam tomorrow, I'll officially be able to say that I really like them.

This has been a draft for a while

2007-07-10T14:57:00.000-04:00

So I'm back swimmin' in the ol' teaching hole for the month of July. Ah the summer session...5 weeks of taking the 4 train every morning at 7:30 to meet the shining faces of my students. Well...at least the students who show up.

The experience of shuffling to the subway station the past two mornings has been...a sticky one. The summer heat wave didn't care that it was before 9am, or that I had taken the time to blow-dry my hair and apply make-up. I keep showing up with what was supposed to be nicely coiffed hair in a complete shamble or a pony tail, my mascara smudgey below the eyes, my nice professional-looking shirts damp with sweat. Really I have been a mess.

Imagine my surprise then, when two of my front row right corner students told me I look like Katherine Heigl. Seriously...we could be sisters.

The element of surprise is highly overrated

2007-06-23T02:55:00.000-04:00

I had this brilliant plan to surprise my dad for Father’s Day. I would tell him I was coming home on the Tuesday after Father’s Day but show up the Saturday before. It sounded like a great idea. You see since I was a kid I barely got to spend the day with my dad. Either camp started then and he had to drop me off somewhere in the middle of Texas and drive home daughterless, or I couldn’t work the travel in to my schedule. It was sad, and I would always feel terrible about it. What better way to make up for years of Father’s Day neglect than to show up at the door unannounced the night before? Well the universe does not like my joy of surprises and decided to turn the whole plan around on me.

Let me first say that air travel has become something akin to having teeth pulled without anesthesia while particularly snotty gnomes poke at your eyes with flaming daggers. I hate flying. Especially airlines like Continental and American. I hate them. Hate hate hate. This past trip I flew Continental in to Houston, which was a bad idea as flights hardly ever go smoothly when traveling through Houston. Unfortunately this is the only carrier that flies in to my home town. The weather decided to flare up on Saturday when I left New York, which caused my flight out of the city to be delayed by about two hours. These two hours on the runway were spent between a baby with a serious interest in touching me, and the passengers across the row with a very loud infant and a kid who felt that screaming was an appropriate and effective means of communication. Yay! Though I attempted to be productive during the flight it was difficult to muddle though statistical programs with the seat in front of me fully reclined (through take off and landing I might add). Bourbon and David Sedaris had to suffice in order to keep me occupied. For anyone wondering, those two are a great combination.

Despite the fact that most airlines put at least an extra hour in the anticipated flight time, we were pretty late landing in oh so stinky Houston. As our plane landed I was able to wave goodbye to my connecting flight – but I didn’t quite know this yet. I booked it to my connecting terminal and breathlessly asked the ladies at the gate what the status on the flight was. In the irritated manner of a seasoned airport employee one of the women informed me that I was 25 minutes late and the flight was long gone. I then asked if they had been informed by my flight from NY that it would be late and if they had been asked to hold the flight. They said yes but the pilot just decided to leave anyway. Now I’ve been delayed by late passengers before, and I was a little pissed that they couldn’t hold the LAST PLANE TO MY DESTINATION for a few minutes. When I asked about options I was told the first available flight would be at 9pm the next night – Sunday night. Now let’s get back to the point that I was trying to surprise my dad for Father’s Day. After some tearful haggling I realized the jig was up, and I’d either have to call my parents to ask for their advice.

Surprise Dad! I’m stuck in Houston! Maybe I’ll see you on Wednesday!

I am extremely lucky to have a father who can speak to anyone with an intimidating authority. Houston is a 6 hour drive from my home town and it was about 8 pm when all of this was going down. We worked it out so I was able to fly to San Antonio (only a 3 hour drive) in one of the first class seats that had opened up at the last minute. Flying first class makes an astounding difference in flying. They make you feel like a real person, you have leg room, and the drinks are free. Even though my first first class experience only lasted 45 minutes I managed to get two glasses of wine out of it. I was much happier.

Long story short my father kept up the ol’ tradition of traveling a long distance because of me on Father’s Day. This time he just didn’t have to drop me off. It ended up being very nice, and I even got to buy a new outfit since my bag didn’t get in until a day and a half later!

Boyfriend had a much more pleasant experience in his travels today. Yes he did cross state lines to meet my parents. And no we didn’t have to pick him up from Houston or San Antonio. I guess when you aren’t trying to surprise anyone flights will be on time and won’t leave you.

David Chase, you broke my heart

2007-06-12T10:04:00.000-04:00

I've been meaning to blog about my trip to a fancy resort in the Dominican Republic and the searing pain of air travel since Thursday, but I'll pass for now and just bitch about the biggest television dissapointment in history. Yeah I'm still upset over the series finale of The Sopranos.

There was a time when I didn't invest in too many tv shows. The amount of television I watch has dramatically increased since the acquisition of digital cable (gotta get the money's worth), but I still don't get as emotinally invested in Flavor of Love Charm School as I do in the shows I've watched religiously for years. But don't get me wrong, I rush to the television set every Sunday night to see what Mo'Nique will make those gals do next. Like much of America I became hooked by The Sopranos and have felt tied to it for years. I've sat through most of the series at least twice during dvd marathons which lasted for days. I've agonized over the characters, story lines, and deeper meaning each episode might carry. I never considered it "just a mafia show" offering only gratuitous violence and hardcore nudey scenes. Though the show had whackings and boobs-a-plenty! The Sopranos took over a place the X-Files once had in my nerdy tv loving heart but with something a little deeper. I gave my devotion to that show and maybe I just expected too much in return.

For those of you who saw the finale on Sunday, will see it in the future, or have heard about it through the internet buzz that has been generated, I am in the camp of fans who were severely dissapointed by the "ending". I've read a few articles in the blogs, people's comments, and news stories in an attempt to make sense of what the hell David Chase was thinking. I appreciate bringing a more artistic and deep sensibility to a genre that tends to be associated with little intellect, but give me a fucking break. The Soprano's wasn't beatnik performance art. It was a show with fans who expected something. At least some ducks for crying out loud. The blank screen may be getting praise for being deep and artistic, but in my mind it was the moment where we finally got a view through David Chase's eyes as he shoved his head all the way up his own ass. I'm getting sick of people in the entertainment industry considering themselves too smart for their audience. You are nowhere without your audience and in that sense you owe them something for that. Maybe I'm just a yokel, but some artsy fartsy no ending ending isn't going to cut it for me. Let the hipsters obnoxious film students have it.

If only I had this kind of passion for real stuff.

Celebrity news is way more important than everything else going on in the world

2007-06-08T23:17:00.000-04:00

Call me shallow and heartless, but that picture that keeps coming up in the news of Paris Hilton crying in the cop car gives me the same morbid pleasure I get from seeing how fat cheerleaders from my high school have gotten when I paruse MySpace.

And I love typing ridiculously long sentences. And watching shows like Best Week Ever and The Soup.

Student exam answers...sort of offensive edition

2007-04-25T19:05:00.000-04:00

While in the end written answers are far more painful to grade than multiple choice, they do happen to act as little windows to my students' souls. It's interesting what they pick up, selectively process, and warp from my lectures. One of the most astounding responses I got was for the definition of sexual dimorphism.

"A sexual disorder where an animal wants to have sex with another species of the same sex"

I'm not quite sure when I gave that definition. I AM certain that I defined sexual dimorphism like... a million times.

I also like to include the question, "If you could be any kind of non-human primate what kind would you be and why?" in my exams because it forces the students to spit something they learned about primates out and I always hope the answers will be entertaining. Generally the guys want to be gorillas so they can get some from all the females, while the ladies want to be marmosets because the baby daddy's take care of offspring. One student answered that she would want to be a mammal.

In other news I am having a severe cheese attack. Someone please take the feta away.

Jesus the Destroyer?

2007-04-19T17:46:00.000-04:00

Oooooooh look at the crazy comment left on my previous blog.

"IT'LL BE SUCH A GREAT DAY WHEN JESUS CHRIST, OUR LORD AND SAVIOR, DESTROYS ALL YOU "CONSERVATIVES." YOU'RE ALWAYS WHIMPERING ABOUT HOW THE SUPREME COURT SHOULDN'T BE ACTIVIST, AND HERE'S KENNEDY THROWING THE "CONSERVATIVES" A BONE JUST IN TIME FOR THE NEXT PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION.HYPOCRITES ALL. JESUS PLEASE DESTROY THESE EVIL ANIMALS. THANK YOU, LORD.AMERICA'S NOW DOING EVERYTHING THE COMMUNISTS DID TO THEIR PEOPLE. LOOKS LIKE THE CONSERVATIVES LOST AFTER ALL: dinoberry.googlepages.com/home "

Because conservative politicians and judges are WAY smarter than doctors

2007-04-18T11:32:00.000-04:00

The bad news which I initially got from feministing this morning.

Really I'm not sure what to say aside from the obvious wtfomg@!#!!! The Bush administration has gotten what it wanted with a Supreme Court ruling in favor of the ban on partial birth abortions.

Ginsberg's comments make me feel like someone actually thought about what was going on. Too bad she was in the minority.

"the Court's opinion tolerates, indeed applauds, federal intervention to ban nationwide a procedure found necessary and proper in certain cases by the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. For the first time since Roe, the Court blesses a prohibition with no exception protecting a woman's health." She said the federal ban "and the Court's defense of it cannot be understood as anything other than an effort to chip away at a right declared again and again by this Court -- and with increasing comprehension of its centrality to women's lives."