the internet knows me so well

What horrible Edward Gorey Death will you die?

You will drink too much gin. Not the worst way to die, but you won't remember too much of your life. Hey, at least you made some people laugh!
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can i write this into a grant application?

monkey torture

in honor of my new research goals.

apparently, i am a bitch

The Sudden Departure Random Brutal Love Master (RBLMf) Sweet. Dear. Loving. At Gate 18. Final call. You are The Sudden Departure. You've been in a lot of serious relationships. More than a few have ended ugly. Uglily. Whatever. Our guess is that you're a really fantastic girl who doesn't really know what she wants, and you've broken a few hearts as a result. You fall for people easily, and you enjoy the feeling of falling in love, but once you're there, either boredom or the old "grass is greener" syndrome sets in. The mind wanders, and with it goes the flesh. And then the toiletries. Your exact opposite: The Intern Deliberate Gentle Sex Dreamer We know you're not the classic "love 'em and leave 'em" type, at least not in a purely sexual sense. You have too many serious bonding tendencies for that. But even though you're theoretically looking to settle down, you don't settle long on one person. "Serial monogamist" is probably something you hear a lot. "Emotionally loose" is another way to put it. To the poor guys eating your dust and sniffing your panties, it doesn't really make much difference. Of course, it's not really your fault that people get hurt. You have every right to move on when you choose. ALWAYS AVOID: The Backrubber, The Gentleman CONSIDER: The Vapor Trail, someone just like you Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.

sheesh. i always thought i was kind of a nice girl. but i guess the online profile tests are always right.

via brazen hussy, and la blonde

kitlers

i find this extremely amusing. but then again i am also extremely sick.

WER strikes the south again

so here i am. in a hotel in jackson, mississippi. that state so loathed in spelling terms by second graders. with so many double consonants it could blow your little nancy drew reading mind. the state of that big river. of sweet potatoes with candy corn. with confederate flags and the memory of racism run rampant. ah, ol' miss. you sweet devil, you.

my mother's father's family had their family reunion today. which was an excellent excuse to a.) see my parents and b.) get the muthafuck out of new york. the reunion itself was nice enough. my mother's cousins are sweet and just being able to spend time with my parents was wonderful. i was baffled at the SEVERE LACK OF BOOZE but i guess that is about as much as you can expect from a group of self loathing/self aggrandizing baptists. all in all it was a good experience in its own.

but tonight. ah, tonight. it has been one of those moments truly meant for novels. the night where a veil is lifted. a secret uncovered. something that forever changes one's view on the entire world. now, ok. maybe i have had an event comparable to that independantly in the recent weeks. but tonight was particularly illuminating and disturbing. not necessarily of family secret, but of family suffering. of the idealized world versus the real world. politics versus bellyaching about politics. and the really hard part is that for all i've learned, i've only learned the most trivial bits. the scratch at the surface. and all i can say is, i appreciate my father even more than i thought i could. my mother for who she is. and i feel like a little ingrate for ever complaining about my shit problems that pale in comparison to what life actually deals. what life shouldn't deal. what the universe is dealing out in volumes we can't even comprehend.

but on a lighter note, shiner beer is sold in mississippi. and that is truly celebratory. hoorah for the bock. bock and roll, oh amberest of beers from small town tejas. bock on, mother bocker.

i'm not dead yet

this is me attempting to crawl back into the non-academic world.

nails digging. head peeking over stacks of books and articles i'm expected to read. coffee fueling a very labored attempt to memorize definitions of shape space. welcome to the show, wild-eyed rose. this is your life.

my blogging has come to a shameful halt with the schedule dealt to me, but i am learning to work with it. i'm trying to keep up with current events, novels, personal relationships, and binge drinking ... ever so slowly. it will happen, and i will re-enter the blog world again.

so to you, my dear blog friends, hello! i'm still alive. i miss you. and i'm trying to return to my mediocre blogging capacity.