i am sure this is a phase

i've come to the conclusion that for the most part, i kind of like teaching. i am not terribly good at it, but some of my students appear to have learned things and occasionally seem to enjoy my class. with this small amount of positive feedback i feel that teaching is therefore the most satisfying part of my graduate school experience. my classes are generally useless, and even if they were of some value it wouldn't matter because all i have time to do is cram, regurgitate onto a test/paper, erase, repeat. oh joy.

the other reason why i have become almost happy with teaching is the absolute focus it give me. when i'm lecturing i can't think about anything else except how not to screw up the next few words out of my mouth. it's almost therapuetic. this semester has brought a whole slew of negativity into my life which has left my brain to mire in the icky thoughts as oppsed to rejoicing in the better parts of my life. i can't keep my mind from wandering to unhappy/angry thoughts while i'm in class, at the gym, watching movies, or sipping back the bourbon. but while yammering on about fossils or sexual selection theory i can find some peace.

then again i have students who think opposums are a derived trait in primates. and i feel a little like kicking puppies. and still i firmly stand by my statement that teaching is more satisfying than the rest of graduate school.