apology and diversion blog

the author apologizes for recent me-me whiney blogs. emotions have been a bit high, alcohol consumption a bit high as well (or maybe low?), and hormones have been out of balance. diversion blog will cover the last topic.

taking anatomy in a medical context has ruined me for the world of blissful ignorance. now my anxiety over my body and health has increased ten fold because i know too much.

example:
i woke up saturday morning and noticed after a few minutest that my thumb, index finger, and middle finger were abnormally twitchy. as this continued i thought to myself..."huh something's going on with my median nerve". then i thought to myself.... "hey self, the median nerve is the one that gets fucked up in carpal tunnel syndrome!" so of course i went through my whole morning looking up symptoms of carpal tunnel syndrome and flipping out because i was sure i had the beginning stages of it. of course the twitching stopped (after a few hours!) and i realized that i am a total idtiot.

now i am convinced that my uterus is currently imploding and i will never be able to have children. which might be true. who knows? surely a gynocologist would. but i don't have health insurance yet.